About Me

My photo
"i'm a bitch, i'm a mother, i'm a child, i'm a lover. i'm a sinner, but not a saint ... I've been where nobody else have dared. I am what no one dreamt of being.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Missing "Me"

I used to be Ms. Confrontational. On my forehead you can read "DO NOT MESS WITH ME", and in my mouth forms the words "I SWEAR YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET IT".

If someone cross me, that's his/her end. That person's world will flip as it turns 180. If you raise your voice on me, mine will be more defeaning. If you curse, I'll give it back ten folds (not counting what's left in my mind, unsaid). If you touch a friend or a family member, I'll give you a kick like hell.

That was me. The me now is very, very different. When I became a mother, that "me" took a back seat - far, far back. Though it sometimes forgets I don't want her anymore and resurfaces, especially when I am provoked. But most of the time, even when my vision becomes blur of too much anger, it stays where it is; burning, in a straightjacket.

Sometimes though I miss that "me". Whenever I am in a situation when someone feels he is in charge when in truth is, he ain't; when someone believes it so hard that his rationalization is very acceptable when actually it is dumb; or if someone tries to be a know-it-all, I look back to that far, far end of my being, wanting to unleash that "me" and give this person a high doze of his own medicine.

For a few weeks now, that "me" has been waving too franctically because of some people who are really trying my wits. And I have come too close for switching places with it even for just a few moments. But, I guess, with much divine intervention and support from real friends, I find the will still to turn my back on it.

But please, God, help me.

No comments: