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"i'm a bitch, i'm a mother, i'm a child, i'm a lover. i'm a sinner, but not a saint ... I've been where nobody else have dared. I am what no one dreamt of being.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

My One Day - Dec 18, 2012

Marriage is a one of those roads less traveled. It offers a different course to each wanderer, making the adventure far and apart, and it also makes you second guess each and everytime, about almost everything.

Married people, or those who are in a relationship for that matter, are often asked, "Why him/her?". It's a vague question, if you ask me, and not inappropriate. It is vague in the sense that one would almost never give a definitive answer to the question, even after years of being together. One may say that "he loves as much as I love him", "he takes care of me so well", "he'll be a good father/mother", "he/she compliments me", or even as inane as "his eyes are beautiful". And, God forbids, even until death, you will never get to point a finger as to why you chose that person to be the one you've spent your whole life with. When you are gray and older, would you look at your other half with the same fire when you first met? Or you look back and say "It would have been better".

The question is not inappropriate. I know,  that sounds confusing. But you see, nobody is entitled to question your decision over something that important. It's your choice, and you are the one who has to live with it. Not unless you really don't care a bit in the first place. Nobody has the right, but everybody is allowed to be concerned. It is, after all, supposed to be ever after right? And these words - "ever after", they are utterly frightening. Eventually though, it wouldn't be just you two. New life may be created by you, and will depend on you on a lot of things. Are you in this together for the long huddle?

So, in this age of skepticism, what makes the pros of being married heavier than the cons. What would it take for us to believe and have faith on the the vows of forever?

I, to be honest, after 11 years of being married, has no solid answer to that. We, our marriage, will always be a work in progress. We still stumble from time to time, make wrong turns, hurt each other, and other people, unintentionally or not, go against what other people perceive to be the "better option", be human. But we will always try to swim up the shore, cope up as much and as swiftly as we could. I know we've just scratched the tip. But, looking at our two wonderful kids makes me look at what we have in a different perspective - positive and never giving up.

On one reflective moment in my life years back though, and I remember it vividly to be in the wee hours of the night  and having these crazy thoughts about whether everything is all worth it, it came to me, that in spite of and despite of all that has happened and are to, I can never see myself to be with anyone else other than my husband. I can never see my kids having a different father other than their dad. That I am holding on and keeping this marriage intact for better or for worse.

I guess everybody's entitled to have their own way of dealing with their marriage. And I give my respect as you deserve. To each his own, as they say. I am saying a prayer to us all who have made the leap into the ocean of uncertainties of being married, with a partner, being parents - no matter if we all choose to swim together or battle the tides alone. I pray that we all be the best of what we can be for ourselves, and for the people that we love, and to always have faith.

I am writing this as a homage to my husband, my partner, my better half. 11 years honey, and we are still counting.